How to Calm Yourself Down When Angry

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. ~ Proverbs 14:29

How do you master your anger? No matter how reasonable we are, there are still times when we reach our tipping point. Taken to the extreme, anger can make us behave absurdly and damage relationships. It takes much effort to be cool and collected when we are furious. Therefore, consider doing the following tips on how to calm yourself down when angry.

1. Keep an eye on your state of mind.
Do you feel like you are starting to feel upset? Being mindful of how you feel early on can make your negative emotions much easier to control. You are clear-headed enough to make some adjustments, like steering away from whatever is causing that negative feeling. Once you get out of control, it’s harder to calm down. You don’t want that crazed Kraken inside you to wreak havoc to humanity, do you?

Hold that Kraken!

2. Learn to let go of your anger.
Forgiving and forgetting may be easier said than done. But holding on to that anger will burn you alive. The Buddha pretty much summed it up with, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Which one would you choose to make your life easier— letting go of that anger or keeping it inside you ad infinitum?

3. Breathe.
Inhaaaale. Exhale. Inhaaaale. Exhale.

Taking deep breaths will help you feel at ease. Try taking 10 slow, deep breaths while imagining a serene picture in your head. It could be Macchu Picchu, your pet, or even that perfect cup of coffee you had this morning.

4. Have some ‘me time’.
Okay, so you are inches away from your boiling point because your child is whining incessantly. Or your spouse is getting on your nerves for leaving the toilet seat up.

It’s okay to have some solitude and get that peace and quiet that you deserve. It doesn’t make you selfish for having some time out for a couple of minutes. Or hours. You need that breath of fresh air. Or that much-anticipated nap.


5. Pause before you speak.
Words can kill. It’s difficult to stop cannonballs from spewing out of your mouth when you are at the peak of your emotion. Next thing you know, the person whom they are intended to is pounded and reduced into a soulless pulp.

Pausing and holding your words back would make you think twice against impulsively and mercilessly expelling those mean words from your lips.

6. Write while you are at your moment of weakness.
I can personally relate to this one. My strong temper, combined with my cut-the-bullsh*t-and-sugar-coating-just-be-brutally-honest way of expressing myself verbally, has caused more harm than good. I knew I needed to do something before I transform into a hybrid of Godzilla and Cruella de Vil.

Writing down what I initially wanted to say is even sort of cathartic for me. Releasing the raw emotions that way forces me to look at myself objectively. I write it down and then read it when I have calmed down. The content always surprises me. I am shocked that I am able to produce a fully-loaded Glock 36 magazine of nasty words and expressions.

7. Manage your expectations.
Why do you get angry? It is because other people failed to meet what you expected them to do.

Being flexible in the way you view people’s capacity of accomplishing things or even learning how to be chill can make you less likely to go mad like a deranged T. rex.

8. Put yourself in other people’s shoes.
It may be tough putting yourself in people’s shoes when you are struggling to control yourself from turning into a dragon. But doing so
would make you understand why they act and behave in a certain way, even if it ticks you off.

9. Get professional help.
If you’ve done your best in managing your anger on your own and it still doesn’t work, perhaps it’s time to seek the help of a pro. But first, you need to accept that you, indeed, need it.

Uncontrollable anger can be harmful to those around you and even to yourself. As a matter of fact, there is an intriguing study about its adverse effects — both physiologically and psychologically.

Life is already as complex as it is. Strive hard not to strain your relationship with your loved ones just because of your inability to calm yourself down when angry.




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